Boundaries + Interdependence
As you grow and go through life, at times you might notice a feeling of disconnection from your own essence. You might feel lost, not quite on the right path. It can feel frustrating or overwhelming.
Society/Cultural/Family beliefs teach that being able to communicate your needs and feelings is guilty and selfish, so you learn to suppress yourself and put others before you. A feeling of anxiousness or avoidance from others arises, when the desire is true connection.
Communication and boundaries might be the best way we can develop safe and supportive relationships after traumatic relationships and cycles.
'Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously'
They are the healthy divisions we imagine, vocalise and create between ourselves and others.
Healthy boundaries can be used in any type of interaction, wether it be family, friends, romantic, work or social media and are put in place and maintained so you can feel autonomy in yourself whilst creating emotional bonding with someone else.
I use the word 'healthy' because it is important to understand the difference between barriers and boundaries. Barriers can be useful at times, but can keep you from feeling the deeper connections you want to develop. It is also important to note that barriers are often involuntary and arise to keep you safe from what has hurt you in the past.
Boundaries can be DIFFICULT and UNCOMFORTABLE to develop if you where not allowed to have them growing up or in adulthood relationships due to enmeshment OR if it is difficult to let people in if you had to create barriers to keep safe.
But boundaries can also feel EMPOWERING, FEELING AND LIBERATING when you start to choose yourself.
Sometimes it is the fear which stops us than actually doing it. Trauma and the brain are wired to keep you safe from any possible dangers.
So here is how to break this cycle:
- Get clear on your needs and take time if you need too
- Speak your truth without needing to apologise
- Know that you do not have to give everyone direct access to your energy
There are many types of boundaries:
- Physical + Touch
- Intellect + Talk
- Sex + Intimacy
- Emotions + Needs
- Spiritual Practices
- Material Objects
So start to figure out internally what you are looking and willing to share and discuss
YOU ARE WORTHY OF BOUNDARIES
In any healthy, balanced relationship there is a recognition of the importance of the bond they share whilst still maintaining a solid sense of self.
This is also know as INTERDEPENDENCE and looks like:
Both partners feel they have a say in the relationship. There is collaborative communication. You get a say over decisions but do not control everything
Both parties take and give in a balanced way. Again, communication is essential to develop an understanding of what actually works for each other.
Coco has intensively studied trauma and trained through ICF MTHS trauma informed coaching alongside a 2 year degree in the NI of herbal medicine. She truly believes at the core of every humans needs is connection and stability.
As a survivor of trauma, Coco spent years recovering and researching from an abusive relationship that left her with PTSD. She now uses her experience and education to specifically work with women to support and coach them into healthy, safe and secure relationships and claim back their personal power.
She is not a therapist and works to create tools for you to develop the life you desire.
Contact her for more information on working together